Permission Slips and Middle Fingers: Rewriting Your Identity After People-Pleasing Burnout
Let’s just start here:
If you’re exhausted, resentful, a little dead behind the eyes, and low-key fantasizing about running away to live in a cabin with no Wi-Fi and no expectations… hi. You might be suffering from a chronic condition known as people-pleasing burnout.
Don’t worry—it’s not terminal.
But it is identity-shifting. And spoiler alert: recovery requires two things you might not be used to giving yourself—permission slips and middle fingers.
Let me explain.
People-Pleasing: The Invisible Addiction No One Claps for You Recovering From
We don’t talk enough about how people-pleasing can hijack your life. Because let’s be real—on the surface, it doesn’t look like a problem. You’re helpful. Thoughtful. Flexible. You anticipate other people’s needs like a human Swiss Army knife.
But under that gold-star exterior? You’re probably:
- Silencing your real thoughts to avoid conflict
- Saying “yes” when your body is screaming “hell no”
- Confusing your worth with your usefulness
- Dimming your personality like it’s polite
And over time, that slowly eats away at your sense of self. Until one day, you can’t tell if you’re anxious… or just nonstop pretending to be someone you’re not.
Welcome to burnout, babe.
The Myth of Being “Too Much”
Let’s pause for a second and address one of the root fears here:
“If I stop people-pleasing, I’ll be too much.”
Too loud. Too needy. Or too opinionated. Too emotional. Or maybe even too blunt.
So instead, you shrink. You smile. And you stay quiet.
You convince yourself that being palatable is the same as being safe.
But here’s the truth:
Being “too much” for the wrong people isn’t a problem.
It’s a filter.
You were never meant to be digestible.
You were meant to be authentic. And real authenticity requires permission. From yourself.
Which brings us to the first tool in your Brash Burnout Recovery Kit:
🔖 Step 1: The Permission Slip
Write this down. Tattoo it on your forehead. Or, y’know, just stick it on your fridge:
I give myself permission to stop performing and start showing up as the real me—even if not everyone claps.
This is your first act of rebellion.
You’re no longer waiting for approval, validation, or a pre-approved life template.
You’re giving yourself permission to:
- Be quiet when you’re tired
- Say “no” without a dissertation
- Change your mind mid-sentence
- Rest even if something could get done
- Speak the messy truth, not the curated caption
You do not need to be burnt out to deserve rest.
You do not need to earn your boundaries by almost falling apart.
But you are allowed to choose you—early, often, and unapologetically.
But let’s be honest: choosing you doesn’t always feel brave. Sometimes it feels terrifying. Especially when people are used to the version of you that sacrificed everything for their comfort.
That’s when it’s time to channel tool #2.
Step 2: The Middle Finger (Metaphorically… or Not)
This one’s not about rage. It’s about radical release.
The metaphorical middle finger is for:
- Expectations that never fit
- Guilt trips dressed as concern
- Generational patterns you didn’t ask for
- Obligations that make you feel like a hostage
- The little voice in your head that says, “You should just suck it up”
The middle finger says:
I’m not abandoning anyone—I’m just refusing to abandon myself anymore.
It’s a way of reclaiming your energy from all the places you’ve been bleeding it out. Because people-pleasing doesn’t just burn you out—it fragments you.
It teaches you to split your identity into bite-sized, audience-approved pieces.
The caretaker. The fixer. The helper. The “easy one.”
And when you stop performing those roles?
Some people will get uncomfortable.
Let them.
That discomfort is not your emergency.
It’s your liberation alarm clock.
The Grief You Weren’t Expecting
Here’s what most self-help books forget to tell you:
When you start choosing yourself, you’re going to grieve.
You’ll grieve the time you lost being who they wanted.
The friendships that don’t survive your honesty.
And you’ll grieve the version of you that thought being liked was the goal.
That grief is real. But it’s also sacred.
Because underneath it?
There’s someone waiting. Someone you haven’t met in a long time.
The real you.
The one with opinions. And boundaries.
The one who’s still soft, but no longer shapeshifting to survive.
Rewriting Your Identity
Let’s get one thing straight:
Burnout isn’t a breakdown—it’s a breakthrough.
It’s the moment your soul says, “I can’t keep pretending this is fine.”
So, if you’re in the thick of it, here’s your new script:
I’m not too much. Selfish. Or broken.
I’m rebuilding. I’m rewriting. And I’m remembering who the hell I am.
And every time you choose rest over hustle…
Every time you speak your truth instead of playing nice…
Every time you disappoint someone in order to honor yourself…
That’s a chapter in your new story.
Not the polite one.
Not the palatable one.
The powerful one.
Your Brash Homework
Because you know we don’t do fluff here. Just real growth.
Grab a sticky note and write yourself a permission slip.
Start it with “I give myself permission to…”
Stick it somewhere you’ll see it often.
Then journal this: “What middle fingers do I need to throw today?”
Could be a belief, an obligation, or a self-imposed rule you’re ready to release.
And if you’re ready to stop spiraling alone, come hang with us in The Brash Collective.
We’re building a whole damn rebellion—one boundary at a time.
