Why you don’t need empty affirmations (but you do need real ones!)
Let’s Get Real About Affirmations
If you’ve ever been mid-anxiety spiral and someone told you, “Just repeat to yourself, ‘I am peaceful, I am light,’” you probably wanted to throat-punch them with a lavender-scented candle. Don’t worry—you’re not a terrible person for thinking it. You’re just allergic to BS.
Here’s the deal: empty affirmations don’t work.
I’m talking about the pastel Instagram quotes, the “everything is fine” mugs, and the random Pinterest boards that tell you to smile your way out of a panic attack. They sound pretty, but they hit like dollar-store glitter—messy, hollow, and impossible to clean up after.
But let’s not throw the whole affirmation practice out with the bathwater. The truth is, affirmations do have a place in mental health. They’re just often served up wrong.
Empty vs. Real: What’s the Difference?
Empty affirmations are:
- Too perfect. They demand that you be calm, serene, unstoppable, or “always happy,” which—newsflash—is not how actual humans function.
- Too far-fetched. If the words feel laughable or fake, your brain’s inner critic will immediately call BS.
- Too disconnected. They skip over the messy reality of anxiety, grief, or burnout.
Real affirmations, on the other hand, are:
- Believable. They acknowledge where you are, not some fantasy version of you.
- Grounded. They focus on small, present truths you can actually grab onto.
- Powerful. They redirect your brain without gaslighting you.
Example:
- Empty: “I am calm and serene at all times.”
- Real: “I can handle this one breath at a time.”
See the difference? One feels like an audition for a yoga commercial. The other feels like a rope you can grab when your brain is spinning.
Why Empty Affirmations Fail (And Why We Fall For Them)
Empty affirmations fail because they don’t line up with your lived experience. When your chest is tight and your thoughts are doing backflips, telling yourself “I am calm” is like putting a Band-Aid on a volcano.
But we fall for them because they’re marketed as quick and easy. They sound good. They promise a fast track to peace. And hey—if repeating “I am fine” actually worked, I’d be shouting it from rooftops too.
The problem is, when the words don’t work, you feel like you failed. That’s when shame sneaks in: Why can’t I just think positive like everyone else? Spoiler alert: it’s not you—it’s the empty words.
The Science-y Side (Without the Snooze Factor)
Here’s the non-boring science bit: your brain has this superpower called neuroplasticity. It means your thoughts can literally change your brain’s wiring over time.
When you repeat a grounded, believable affirmation, you’re not just chanting into the void—you’re building a new thought pathway. Think of it like carving a shortcut through the woods. The more you walk it, the stronger and clearer it gets. Eventually, it becomes the default trail your brain takes when stress hits.
But if you try to pave a road to “perfect calm 24/7”? Your brain will roll its eyes and go back to the old panic path.
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How to Build Brash (Not Empty) Affirmations
- Check the BS factor. If the words make your inner critic laugh or cringe, they won’t stick.
- Keep it present. Say what’s true right now, not some future ideal.
- Anchor in proof. Base it on things you know you’ve survived, handled, or managed before.
- Make it yours. Your affirmation doesn’t have to sound Instagram-pretty. It can be gritty, sarcastic, even a little dark. (“Fear doesn’t pay rent in my head.”)
Brash Examples You Can Steal
- “I’ve survived 100% of my hardest days. Math doesn’t lie.”
- “My feelings are loud, but they aren’t facts.”
- “This anxiety wave will pass, just like it always does.”
- “I am allowed to take up space—even when I’m a mess.”
- “One shaky step forward still counts as progress.”
See? No butterflies, no rainbows, no pretending life is a yoga retreat. Just real talk you can actually believe.
When to Use Affirmations
Think of them as a mental Swiss Army knife—you can pull them out whenever you need a quick shift:
- Morning reset: Before your brain kicks into chaos mode.
- Panic interruptions: Mid-anxiety spiral, they can act like a rope to grab onto.
- After tough conversations: When guilt or doubt creeps in, remind yourself of your truth.
- Bedtime wind-down: Replace the 2 a.m. “what if” chorus with something grounding.
A Personal Note (Because You Know I’ve Been There)
For years, I lived on the hamster wheel of panic attacks. I tried the empty route—sticky notes with sunshine-y quotes, Pinterest boards full of “just breathe and smile” mantras. And every time I failed to feel magically better, I thought the problem was me.
Then one night, in the middle of an anxiety storm, I tried something different. Instead of whispering “I am calm” (while my heart was trying to bust out of my chest like a rock concert), I told myself: “I’ve been here before, and I’ve made it out every time.”
It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t perfect. But it was real. And it worked.
That was the night I stopped chasing empty affirmations and started building Brash ones—the kind that sound like something you’d actually say to yourself in the mirror when you’re trying not to cry in the Target parking lot.
Try This: Rewrite the Empty
Want to test it for yourself? Take the emptiest affirmation you’ve ever heard and give it a Brash makeover.
Example:
- Empty: “I radiate positivity at all times.”
- Brash: “I can choose one small thing today that makes me feel okay—even if it’s just coffee.”
It doesn’t have to sound poetic. It just has to sound true.
Reflection Questions
Because I know you love a little self-work:
- What’s one empty affirmation you’ve rolled your eyes at?
- How could you rewrite it into something grounded and believable?
- Where in your life right now could you use a Brash affirmation the most—morning, panic, conversation recovery, or bedtime?
The Brash Bottom Line
You don’t need empty affirmations that pretend life is perfect. What you do need are real affirmations that honor where you are and remind you of what’s true.
Sometimes the bravest thing you can tell yourself isn’t “I am unstoppable”—it’s “I am scared, but I can handle this anyway.”
Until next time, keep it Brash, keep it bold, and keep it true to you.
