I know what it’s like to pour your heart and soul into a job you love—only to have it ripped away from you. Or worse, to find yourself beneath the stiletto heel of a toxic boss who seems to take pleasure in grinding people down.
I had one of those bosses. Sweet as pie on the surface—overflowing with compliments, performative kindness, and a flair for pretending she was the most generous soul alive. But underneath that sugar-coated exterior? A master manipulator who thrived on fear and control. I watched her single out employee after employee, each mysteriously guilty of some imaginary offense or another. And once you were on her shit list it was nearly impossible to crawl your way off. She was the self-deluded type who would brag endlessly about her unwavering loyalty, only to turn around and prove herself the most disloyal of them all.
I spent 4 months on the bottom of this woman’s shiny Louboutin, trying desperately to scrape my way off. She wasn’t really the type to tell you what you needed to change, she would instead let you know that she pulled rank and that you should just trust the process.
WTF? Suddenly there’s a process?
I thought if I just worked harder, kept my head down, and played the game right, maybe I could earn back whatever invisible points I’d somehow lost. So, I tried—desperately. I hyped myself up for every mind-numbing meeting like it was a TED Talk on saving puppies. “Another team building exercise? Oh wow, I live for this stuff!” I complimented her outfits like I was auditioning for America’s Next Top Suck-Up. “Those black and white striped pants? Nooo… those don’t split you in two like a camel’s toe stuck in a vice grip at all—you’re totally pulling it off, boss!” I even found myself Googling “How to Impress a Sociopath Without Losing Your Soul.” Spoiler: there is no satisfying a toxic boss who’s made it their mission to break you.
When I was finally let go, it gutted me. Not just because I lost the job—but because I truly believed I deserved it. Saying I felt “not good enough” would’ve been a massive understatement. I genuinely believed that if I ran into anyone from the office, the appropriate response would be to politely excuse myself… and go quietly fuck off and die—because I was almost positive, that’s what was expected of me.
It took time—and a whole lot of unlearning—to realize the truth: It wasn’t me. Never had it been me. I had a toxic boss, and that, wasn’t my fault. And if you’ve ever felt that way—like no matter how hard you try, it’s never enough—I want you to know this: your value is not up for negotiation, especially not by people who are too broken to see it.
So let’s start rewriting that lie.
Strategies to get of TBS- Toxic Boss Syndrome
- Affirm Your Strengths: Regularly list your achievements and acknowledge your unique skills and talents. You’re a badass—don’t let anyone make you forget it.
- Seek Feedback: Connect with people who actually value you. Honest perspectives from trusted friends or mentors can bring things back into focus.
- Practice Self-Compassion: You are human. You make mistakes. But they do not define your worth.
Actionable Exercise:
Gratitude Journal
Each night, write down three things you did well or are proud of—no matter how small. You survived that meeting? Count it. You wore pants today? Even better.
Releasing “I’ll Never Find a Healthy, Supportive Work Environment”
After working for someone who made The Devil Wears Prada boss look like a Girl Scout troop leader, I didn’t think a healthy workplace existed. I truly believed that if I ever found myself in another job, I’d either be walking on eggshells or clapping like a deranged seal at another soul-sucking team meeting while slowly dying inside.
But here’s what I’ve learned: not every workplace is toxic. And not every boss is power-hungry or one team-building exercise away from a lawsuit.
Yes, it takes effort to find a space that values your humanity as much as your output—but those places do exist. You just have to start by believing you deserve to be in one. I did and you can too.
Tips:
- Research Thoroughly: Look for companies that align with your values and have the receipts (aka reviews) to back it up. Look online, what is the community saying about them?
- Network Smartly: People love to talk about their work experiences. Tap into those stories to spot red flags—or even better, green lights.
- Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off during the interview, it probably is. You’re not being dramatic. You’re being discerning.
Actionable Exercise:
Define Your Ideal Workplace
Write out exactly what a healthy work environment looks like to you—culture, leadership style, flexibility, vibes, all of it. Use that vision to guide your job search like a compass, not a wishlist.
Letting Go of “I Should Be Over It By Now”
When I was let go from that nightmare job, I felt like I should immediately bounce back—new job, fresh start, chin up. That’s what strong people do, right?
Except… I didn’t bounce. I brooded. And I obsessed. I mentally rewrote every conversation, every “performance review,” every humiliating compliment I gave to try and win my way back into her good graces.
I thought I should be over it. But I wasn’t. And that’s okay.
Healing doesn’t come with a damn stopwatch. What happened to you was real. It hurt. And just because it’s “over” doesn’t mean your nervous system got the memo. So let’s stop should-ing ourselves and start honoring where we are—where you are.
Steps:
- Acknowledge Progress: You’ve already survived what you thought would break you. That’s progress.
- Set Realistic Goals: You don’t need to rebuild overnight. Healing isn’t a sprint—it’s a wild hike with lots of snack breaks.
- Stay Connected: Let others in. Support systems aren’t just for weak moments—they’re for strong foundations.
Actionable Exercise:
Milestone Map
Create a visual timeline of your healing journey so far. Mark the big moments—but don’t forget the small wins. They count too.
Final Note:
Congratulations on taking the first steps to reclaim your confidence and inner peace. If no one’s told you today: you’re doing better than you think.
Begin Your Personalized Journey:
If you’re looking for tailored guidance to boost your confidence, eliminate your toxic boss from your brain, or navigate your unique challenges, I’m here to help. Let’s work together to build the future you envision.
👉 Book Your Free Consultation Today
This one-on-one session will allow us to dive deeper into your needs and create a personalized action plan to support your growth. I can’t wait to connect and help you build a life where you don’t have to clap like a seal to be seen.
Until next time. Keep it Brash. Keep it Confident. And keep it true to you!
